This last week Yishama went to camp for the summer, turned 18, graduated Hight school, and returned to camp. It has been a busy week. To add to this mix, this Shabbat is the 5th anniversary of his Bar Mitzvah. Given the occasion it seemed good to revisit the D’var Torah I gave for his Bar Mitzvah 5 years later.

At the end of Behalotcha, this week’s Torah portion, we read about Miriam and Aaron trash talking Moshe. In response God literally calls them out. There we read:

And God said, “Hear these My words: When a prophet of the Lord arises among you, I make Myself known to that person in a vision, I speak with him in a dream. Not so with My servant Moshe; he is trusted throughout My household. With him I speak פֶּ֣ה אֶל־פֶּ֞ה mouth to mouth, plainly and not in riddles, and he beholds the likeness of the Lord. ( Numbers 12:6-8 )

On the simple level God is explaining how God reveals God’s Self to Moshe as compared to how God will reveal God’s self to the subsequent prophets. Clearly with Moshe it is much more direct and intimate. But what might it mean for God and Moshe to speak פֶּ֣ה אֶל־פֶּ֞ה mouth to mouth?

In preparation for his Bar Mitzvah, Yishama and I learned Perkei Avot. That was slow at the start, until we had the “Coach Carter” Breakthrough. Perkei Avot went from being irrelevant and meh, to a compelling and interesting  source of wisdom when we started to add a Basketball Coach’s Perush to our analysis.

With that in mind, I ask how might Coach Carter explain the meaning of פֶּ֣ה אֶל־פֶּ֞ה –mouth to mouth? To answer that I think about the words of another basketball coach, Craig Robinson the  coach of the Oregon State men’s basketball team. In 2008 at the DNC Craig Robinson gave a speech in which he talked about the first time he met his sister Michelle’s boyfriend Barack Obama. There he said:

My sister had grown up hearing my father and me talk about how to judge a person’s character  by what type of sportsman they are, so she asked me to take Barack to play basketball. If you’re looking for a political analysis based on his playing, here it is:  he’s confident but not cocky, he’ll take the shot if he’s open, he’s a team player who improves the people around him, and he won’t back down from any challenge.

If you want to know who someone is you need to play them  פֶּ֣ה אֶל־פֶּ֞ה,  mouth-to-mouth, head-to head, or one-on-one.

So who was Yishama Frydman Orlow at the time of his Bar Mitzvah?

• He was confident but not cocky. I cherished our nightly humble-brag ritual. He would share his successes with me so there is not trash talking on the court like Miriam and Aaron.
• Yishama was an inspired and inspiring player. He was always trying to improve himself and others around him. On many occasions I have seen him seek out advice from coaches, competitors, and even referees. He was always looking to grind out some areas of improvement. There is no doubt that he was the one to inspire me to get my shoulder surgery. He was also one of my biggest cheerleaders helping me get into shape. I know that I am not there yet, but thanks to Yishama I am working on it.
• Yishama would not back down from any challenge. Despite or even because of the size difference he is a formidable competitor. He uses his strength to his advantage. He is not taller, but faster and smarter and this kid developed a left.
• Yishama would leave it all on the court. Schwerer Arbeiter, win or lose he would get joy out of working hard.
• Yishama was always a mensch on the court. There were a number of parents who have come up to me to tell me how impressed they were with his work ethic or the positive influence he had on their child, helping them learn to be a better baller.

Facing someone one-on-one you get to see their real character. As we see in Proverbs: “As water [reflecting] the face is to the face, so a man’s heart is to [his fellow] man.” (Proverbs 27:19) It is there when he shows up and is vulnerable. It reminds me to also show up and be vulnerable. Yishama when I look at you, it is impossible for me not to see some of myself in you. The difference is that with you I feel that we are getting closer to know each other פֶּ֣ה אֶל־פֶּ֞ה. We might butt heads, but there is no mystery there. I feel that in a profound way, in getting to know you, I get to learn something deep about myself.

So how much as changed in these critical 5 years? We still love your beyond measure. As much as these milestones this week could be an occasion to reflect on the myriad of your accomplishments to date, at this moment we are filled with excitement for the next chapter of your life. What will emerge for you as you leave home for camp, Israel, and college?

But who knows? Instead of thinking about the person you are becoming, it would be good to name the person you are today at 18. It is clear that the person you were on the court has become the person you are in life.

In a profound way you exemplify the wisdom of Rabbi Akiva. It is not enough for you to just take notice and wonder at the hollowing of the rock in nature, you want to know why.

Beyond the source, you ask yourself “How will you apply this wisdom to your life?” There we read:

It was water falling upon it constantly, day after day.” At that, Rabbi Akiva asked himself: Is my mind harder than this stone? I will go and study at least one section of Torah. (Avot d’Rabbi Natan 6:2)

When you put your mind to something you will doggedly work it through until you achieve mastery. Like the falling water, your determination is a force of nature. With your tenacity, passion, perseverance, resolve, commitment, and hard work there is nothing you cannot accomplish. May this next period of your life be filled with meaning, learning, music, exploration, laughter, purpose, and service to others. Along the way we are excited to see the community you build around yourself. I know that you will build it one-on-one. As you know we will always be here for you to support you. My blessing for you Yishama is still that that you never trade your authenticity for approval. As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everyone else is taken.” 

We love you so much and too much