For the modern American reader, few lines in French literature are as famous as the opening of Albert Camus’s The Stranger, “Today, Mama died. Or maybe it was yesterday, I don’t know.” They capture Meursault’s anomie briefly and brilliantly.

When I tell people that my mother died recently people are very sympathetic and are truly sorry for my sorrow. From there people really do not know what to say. They will either ask her age or if she was sick. They are clearly looking to make sense of it and it is hard. I mean there is no rationalization for death. It is just sad.

My mom was 83 and she had been sick so some time. While her death was not at all surprising, unlike Meursault it was still very shocking. I know the exact time that I learned of her death. The Jewish rites of mourning are crafted around knowing that day and lifting it in her memory.

Since that day I spent a lot of time going through a metric ton of picture, cards and letters that my mother had in her apartment. As is evident from this cache she lived a full life. She worked, volunteered, and vacationed well. She close connections with her sister, 4 children, my two cousin, our 20 children, and more friends and colleagues than any of us could count.

In the piles we found a baby picture of Yadid, who is now 19. He was holding sign that said Refuah Shalema. On the back it said:

I was first struck by the fact that it was just Avi Adina and Yadid. Memory is funny that way, it is hard to imagine a time when we did not have 4 children. Then I paused to realize that my mom’s health has been in decline for over 18 year. That is a long time. One of the elements that is most redeeming of the morning process in Jewish life is that it has allowed me to remember who she was before the decline.

I would often describe my mom’s health issues as asymptotic. And when I reflect back on the last few months one moment stands out. My sister Arielle had come in from California to surprise my mother. When she came in my mother did not recognize her. When my sister called me to share this story I realized at that moment that we had entered into a new faze of her decline. While it had been a long time coming, it felt as though all of a sudden we were in the endgame.

I was thinking about this moment today on the 17th of Tammuz. During the Roman siege of Jerusalem, the city walls were breached on this date, leading to the destruction of the Second Temple three weeks later on 9th of Av (Tisha B’Av). What is the significance of this day?

Today marks the beginning of the endgame for Temple in Jerusalem. As I learn from the case of my mother’s decline, our minds makes us who we are, and when that is breached it is just a matter of time before the full destruction. This parallel gives new insight into what we say to mourners, “May the Omnipresent comfort you among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.” Just as I saw her decline and demise, we will find ways of preserving her memory in our calendar and it will be for a blessing.

My mother died on June 19th which was the 30th of Sivan. Please join us in learning the bible in preparation for our mother’s Shloshim which will be on July 20th. You can sign up to learn a chapter/book through here: http://hadranalach.com/2848