What is the nature of the rift between Yakov and Esav? It seems pretty clear that Yakov traded to get the birthright from Esav. While it might have been a legitimate transaction, it seems to depict Yakov as manipulating his brother. Yakov then went ahead to stole the blessing from Yitzhak intended for Esav. Seeing that he did his brother dirty, Yakov ran away. After years away Yakov returns home to settle the beef with his brother, in Vayishlach, this week’s Torah portion. Here we read:

Yakov sent messengers ahead to his brother Esav in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, and instructed them as follows, “Thus shall you say, ‘To my lord Esav, thus says your servant Yakov: I sojourned with Lavan and remained until now;

Genesis 32:4-5

What compelled Yakov to explain his time away with Lavan? How did it help his reconnecting with his brother after all of these years? What is is the meaning of “I have sojourned” in this context? On a simple level he is saying that he lived there with Lavan. Maybe the next level is that he never really felt at home there. But is there anything deeper?

Remember Yakov is showing up with 4 wives, many children, and huge wealth. He left an individual and he is returning with the foundation of a nation. In many ways he is showing off the fruition of his having received the blessing. I think that there is a profound nature to this reconnecting that is about Yakov’s showing his power and success, and owning his privilege.

On these words Rashi commented:

Alternatively, the numerical value of  גרתי which means “I have sojourned” is 613 תריג  as if to say “ I sojourned with Lavan”, the evil one , yet I kept the 613 commandments and did not learn from his evil actions

Rashi on Genesis 32:5

This is to say that I really self-actualized during my time there with Lavan. As if to say, when I left I might have been a punk, but I learned how to be a good guy there. But I think there is still more there. On a deeper level we might offer that the core of reconciliation is people need to own their power and privilege. I like to think that living a life of the 613 commandments is an exercise in gratitude in which you remind ourselves all of the time all of the blessings and privileges you have been afforded in life. We do this so that we might work to make the world a more just and blessed reality for all.