This has been a hard year. Between October 7th and its aftermath in Israel and Gaza, the protests turned violent on campuses, and the mounting global antisemitism it has been a difficult and an emotional year to navigate for everyone. This year has also been charged personally because my mother passed away this last June. This time has been punctuated by my saying Kaddish for her all the time.

Traditionally, children say Kaddish to assist the souls of their parents through divine judgment and ease their transition to the World to Come. It is our custom is to say Kaddish for only eleven months so as not to suggest that one’s parent was an evil person. As we read in the Mishna:

Also he used to say that there are five things that last twelve months: The judgment of the generation of the flood [continued] twelve months; The judgment of Job [continued] twelve months; The judgment of the Egyptians [continued] twelve months; The judgment of Gog and Magog in the time to come [will continue] twelve months; The judgment of the wicked in gehinom [continues] twelve months, for it is said, and “It will be from one month until its [same] month” (Isaiah 66:23). Rabbi Yohanan ben Nuri says: “[As long as] from Passover to Shavuoth, for it is said, “And from one Sabbath until its [next] Sabbath” (ibid.). (Mishnah Eduyut 2:10)

So while one might want to say Kaddish for a whole year, we stop at eleven months as not to impugn the character of the deceased.

As this period of eleven months ended this week it gave me pause to reflect on this time. I cannot tell you how many times in the last eleven months I have thought how lucky we were that my mother did not have to endure this year. She would have been so hurt and worried about Israel being under attack. She have mourned the loss of so many lives. If she were well, she would be mobilizing efforts to free the hostages and get resources for the soldiers. In her prime should would have been on a Federation support mission to the south. She would not have been able to sleep knowing that antisemitism was on the rise. In her life she was so proud to have sent three of her four children to Columbia University. She would have been ashamed at the violence on campus. I take solace that her soul did have to weather the storms of this last year.

In the face of this last year being so chocked full of evil, I pause to appreciate how good of a person my mother was in her life. She was a person of virtue who lived her values. May the memory of Chava bat Rut v Avraham HaKohen be for a blessing.

With the closing of this chapter of saying Kaddish for her, I remind myself to live up to the standard that she set. What do I need to be doing in this next chapter? There is much to be done. I also can admit that I am sad. With each Kaddish I got to think about her memory and connect in a small way. And now I need to move into this this next step of my process. I need to say goodbye to saying goodbye.