Today I was driving my daughter to her dance class and I heard a new song on the radio. Or at the least it was new for me. This alt-folk-leaning track was Sailor Song by Gigi Perez. It is a funky love song. The song’s title comes from the chorus in which she sings, “Oh, won’t you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor?” The narrator begs her partner to kiss her and love her with the fervor and vigor of a sailor. The implication here seems to be that, because sailors spend months on end away from their spouses, when they return they show their love more passionately as a result.

This reminded me of a Mishna in Ketuvot which explores a husband’s responsibility to sexually satisfy his wife by profession. There we read:

Students may leave their homes and travel in order to learn Torah without their wives’ permission for up to thirty days, and laborers may leave their homes without their wives’ permission for up to one week. The set interval defining the frequency of a husband’s conjugal obligation to his wife stated in the Torah (see Exodus 21:10), unless the couple stipulated otherwise, varies according to the man’s occupation and proximity to his home: Men of leisure, who do not work, must engage in marital relations every day, laborers must do so twice a week, donkey drivers once a week, camel drivers once every thirty days, and sailors once every six months. This is the statement of Rabbi Eliezer. ( Mishna Ketuvot 5:6)

How often must a husband must be available to have relations with his wife? The frequency depends on his occupation. An independent man, meaning one who doesn’t work, must have relations with his wife every day. Note that this does not mean that he actually has to do so, but rather that if she so desires, he is obligated. He cannot claim that he is too busy to have sex with her. Workers must be available twice a week. The Talmud explains that this refers to workers who work in the city; those who work outside the city are obligated only once a week, as we learned in the previous clause. Donkey-drivers, who travel short distances must be available once a week. Camel-drivers who travel longer distances must be available once a month and finally, sailors who travel for long periods of time, need to return home once every six months. This all refers to situations where the wife has not given her husband permission. If she has given him permission, he may stay away longer. She might give him permission if, for instance, for the sake of supporting the family, the husband had to be away for a long period of time. However, it is her right to demand that he find work closer to home.

Listening to this song gave me a better understanding of the mishna. This is what is means to love someone like a sailor. We should all be blessed to live close to those we love. Regardless, even if we see them every day, it should be with the fervor of someone who has been out to sea for six month. We should strive to live passionately.