The Alpha Nail

In Balak, this week’s Torah portion, we read of Balak another stock character in our history who wanted to kill our people. This Antisemite hoped to exterminate the Israelites by getting the prophet Balaam to curse us. Balaam was reluctant to go, but eventually conceded to meet with Balak.  God was not happy that he was going, but clarifies that Balaam would only be allowed to say what God instructed him to say. With God’s permission Balaam was already out the door getting ready to do Balak’s bidding. His readiness to serve Balak angered God and he sends an angel to block his ass as he traveled. There we read:

And the ass saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, with his sword drawn in his hand; and the ass turned aside out of the way, and went into the field; and Balaam smote the ass, to turn her into the way. Then the angel of the Lord stood in a hollow way between the vineyards, a fence being on this side, and a fence on that side. And the ass saw the angel of the Lord, and she thrust herself into the wall, and crushed Balaam’s foot against the wall; and he smote her again. And the angel of the Lord went further, and stood in a narrow place, where was no way to turn either to the right hand or to the left. And the ass saw the angel of the Lord, and she lay down under Balaam; and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with his staff. And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam: ‘What have I done unto you, that you have hit me these three times?’ ( Numbers 22:23-28)

For being such a great prophet, it is surprising that Balaam could not see God acting in the world around him. Balaam is a model of the human penchant toward being stubborn. When we have something in mind it is hard not to see something that is right in front of us.

Recently saw an amazing video that has been circulating that connects in an interesting way to our Torah portion. If you have not seen it please watch ” It’s Not about the Nail“. Here it is:

This brilliant video plays with the tension between the Fix-It-Alpha-Male and the Lets-Talk-About-Feelings-Female. While these typologies need not be gendered, it is interesting to reflect on the conflict between these two ways of seeing the world. Like Balaam, sometimes there is something right in front of us that needs to be dealt with and other times there are things that demand our reflection and emotional connection. As a self realized Alpha Male, my tendency is to run to deal with life’s impediments. Lets identify the challenge and fix it. I am an eternal optimist. There is always a solution to every problem. In the case of the video, how can we just remove the nail?

Different people need different things. Sometimes people are not looking for solutions. These people just need us to feel comfortable sitting with their pain. As she says,” Don’t try to fix it. I just need you to listen.” Over time I have been humbled to realize that there are certain problems that do not have solutions. The only thing we can offer is our empathy. If I do not recognized people’s feelings as unseen impediments I too will be nothing more than an  ass. And if I think there is a solution other than just listening I am nothing more than Balaam.

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