Said to Myself

Vision and Memory: Devarim and the Spotless Mind

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In Devarim, this week’s Torah portion we explore the foundations of memory. Here Moshe begins his final speech by reviewing the failures of the previous generation, specifically the sin of the spies. The theme centers on the idea that a nation must confront its history honestly to avoid repeating its mistakes.

This reminded of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by Michel Gondry. The movie starts after a painful breakup, when Clementine undergoes a procedure to erase memories of her former boyfriend Joel from her mind. When Joel discovers that Clementine is going to extremes to forget their relationship, he undergoes the same procedure and slowly begins to forget the woman that he loved. Joel wakes up, his memories of Clementine erased. He impulsively goes to Montauk and meets Clementine on the train home. They are drawn to each other and go on a date to the frozen Charles River in Boston. Joel drives Clementine home and Patrick sees them, realizing they have found each other again. Joel and Clementine receive their Lacuna records and listen to their tapes. They are shocked by the bitter memories they had of each other, and almost separate a second time, but agree to try again.

This is a visually arresting film that explores the intricacy of relationships, the pain of loss, and most of all the challenge of memory. Even in this science fiction classic that assumes you can try to erase memories we cannot.

This Shabbat is also Shabbat Chazon as we make ourselves remember the “vision” and the memories of the destruction that we will be commemorating on Tisha B’Av next week. Like Moshe in Devarim and Joel and Clementine in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind , on Shabbat Chazon we try to hold on to our memories as a way to ensure that we will continue to strive to do and be better.

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Quote of the week

But now, please forgive their sin—but if not, then erase me out of the book you have written.

~ Exodus 32:32

Said to Myself

About

My name is Rabbi Avi Katz Orlow. I have always had a deep love for the Jewish people and making the world a better place. It was while building community in the Former Soviet Union for YUSSR that I realized the transformative power of being a rabbi. After spending time learning in Israel, I moved to New York to be a charter student in Yeshivat Chovevei Torah, the Open Orthodox Seminary. After graduating in 2004 until 2008 I served as the Rabbi and ran the program at St. Louis Hillel at Washington University. Now I have the great pleasure of thinking about how Judaism is seriously fun. In my mind I am up at camp every day in my work at the Foundation for Jewish Camp. My wife, Cantor Adina Frydman, and I are the proud parents of Yadid, Yishama, Emunah, and Libi.

Said to Myself

When my son Yadid was four years old he came home from daycare and reported to me that he got into trouble. He got put into timeout for throwing sand at another child. Yadid said,” Myself said to myself, I do not want to be in timeout. Myself said to my cry, I do not want to cry”. And with that we started a conversation about his conscious life. It seemed only fitting to continue that conversation with a blog with the same name.

אָמַרְתִּי אֲנִי בְּלִבִּי

My son spoke in the words of Ecclesiastes, “I said in my heart: ‘Come now, I will try you with mirth, and enjoy pleasure’; and, behold, this also was vanity.” (Kohelet 2:1) My mission is to model a life that is personally meaningful, universally relevant, and distinctly Jewish. I aspire to be frank and to speak of Torah in real life.

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